THE HAPPENING

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One-hit-wonder M. Night Shyamalan further galvanizes the nickname given him by his detractors ("Shyamalama-ding-dong") with yet another pretentious movie that plays like a drawn-out "Twilight Zone" episode.

An unknown phenomenon attacks the Northeast portion of America, where people suddenly freeze in their steps before committing suicide.

High school science teacher Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg), his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel), and their friend’s 8-year-old daughter Jess attempt to escape a danger that seems to arrive with the wind.

Stranded in an unpopulated part of Pennsylvania, the three hang on to survival even as those around them drop like flies. Poorly written dialogue and Shyamalan’s signature overwrought direction infects his actors, ruining every performance.

A false-bottom crisis decision sheds no light of resolution on the dystopian story. You could make a case that "The Happening" is a decimal point better than Shyamalan’s last movie because he barely appears in it.

If only he’d switch to directing television, movie audiences wouldn’t have to woefully repeat "Shyamalama-ding-dong."

Oh wait, they’d do that anyway.

Rated R. 92 mins.