The Doorman

"The Doorman" is a thinly written indie comedy--it's only 79 minutes long--that will have you kicking yourself for wasting whatever time and money you spent to watch it. Newcomer Lucas Akoskin plays Eurotrash Trevor, a narcissistic Manhattan doorman wallowing in the only somewhat glamorous lifestyle of serving as judge to who will or won't get in to the chic nightspots where he stands guard. Designed as a mockumentary, a film crew follow Trevor to capture his constant gab about how great he is and what it takes to be such a successful object of desire—he fancies himself a fashion model as well. Travor makes Kathy Griffin look like the Queen of England by comparison. The movie never finds a story, and its would-be humor falls flat as an amateur comic doing his first stand-up performance.

Not Rated. 86 mins. (D) (One Star)

Harold

Spencer Breslin ("The Cat In the Hat") plays Harold, a 13-year-old boy whose very early male pattern baldness does little to stem his deeply-held sense of dignity and maturity even when his clueless mom (Alley Sheedy) moves Harold and his snotty sister to a new town. Harold finds a helpful ally in Cromer (Cuba Gooding Jr.) a junior high school janitor ready to help protect the dorky bald kid from some of the obvious abuses hurled his way. Breslin is the best thing about this myopic comedy that doesn't even get any humorous traction from the stereotypes it presses through its low-fidelity independent film filter. Most aggravating is the hackneyed character the Oscar-winning Cuba Gooding Jr. plays. It's a painful thing to witness.

Rated PG-13, 105 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

The Wackness

Screenwriter/director Jonathan Levine makes a remarkable sophomore film with a deceptively simple story of urban romance set in Manhattan's final pot-friendly days of the mid-‘90s before Rudolph Giuliani’s Disneyfication took its stranglehold on the city. Newcomer Josh Peck plays high-school senior Luke Shapiro, a charismatic pot dealer with the hots for his therapist’s step-daughter Stephanie (played by Olivia Thirlby). Ben Kingsley is Luke’s developmentally-challenged therapist Dr. Squires who trades sessions for pot, and is only too happy to advise the young man on how to extract the most joy from his fiery youth. Hip Hop music of the era from such artists as Notorious B.I.G and R. Kelly feature prominently in underscoring a last gasp of freedom in America. At once sophisticated and naïve, "The Wackness" is a nuanced period piece about achieving happiness at a time when the rug was being pulled out from under urban society. Ben Kingsley’s performance is nothing short of mesmerizing, and supports his resurgence as a renaissance actor along with his other impressive effort in "Elegy."

Rated R, 95 mins. (B+)

Get Smart

Although it never achieves a consistent amount of momentum, and Steve Carell is under-directed by Peter Segal ("Tommy Boy"), "Get Smart" pulls off a sufficient number of goofy set pieces to earn its entertainment value. Aside from the ever-flat presence of Dwayne Johnson—here playing Agent 23, a good-guy spy with a jealousy issue—it’s Anne Hathaway who drags the comedy down due to a condescending attitude that permeates her role as sexpot spy Agent 99. Where Barbara Feldon played the television roll of Maxwell Smart’s capable partner with a knowing wink, Hathaway takes her hairstyle too seriously to be in on the joke—namely that Max is an idiot savant spy with a quick tongue. Don’t look for a story here because there isn’t one, but that’s as it should be for the post-post-cold-war treatment of Russia as an excuse for great location shooting in Moscow. Alan Arkin gives a snappy performance as the U.S. spy agency CONTROL Chief, referred to only as the Chief, and the production values are high. For a slick Hollywood summer comedy, "Get Smart" just does the trick.

Rated PG-13, 111 mins. (B-)

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Hopes are dashed for the screenwriting contribution of Judd Apatow to elevate Adam Sandler as a poor man’s Groucho Marx in this poorly executed comedy about an Israeli assassin-turned-hair-stylist. Zohan feigns his own death during an assassination mission in order to escape to New York where he plans to become an instantly successful hair stylist for Paul Mitchell in spite of his lack of professional training. Zohan renames himself "Scrappy Coco" and is instead relegated to working as a hair-sweeper for Palestinian beauty Dalia (played by Emmanuelle Chriqui) at her neighborhood hair salon in an ethnically mixed area made up of Israelis and Palestinians. Scrappy Coco speeds up his apprenticeship by giving special backroom attention to the salon’s elderly female clientele. But Zohan’s secret past-life comes back to haunt him when his Palestinian antagonist, the Phantom (played by John Turturro) arrives in New York to open a chain of fast food restaurants. Inept jokes, incompetent sight gags, and a lack of comic timing make this comedy boring and limp as a wet noodle.

Rated PG-13, 113 mins. (D+)

The Promotion

Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly play rival grocery store employees battling for a managerial job in this amiable independent comedy that never gets around to naming its real antagonist. But writer/director Steve Conrad’s greatest comedic sin lies in not recognizing the knotty pine from which most managerial types are cut. Richard (played by John C. Reilly) is a recovering drug-addict from Canada trying to be the breadwinner for his wife (played by Lily Taylor) and their young daughter, while Doug (played by Seann William Scott) wants to buy a house for his new spouse (played by Jenna Fischer). Muted bits of slapstick and verbal insults arrive with more clunkers than zingers, but the performances are adequate and the tone sincere.

Synecdoche, New York

Screenwriter Charlie Kaufman’s (“Being John Malkovitch”) directorial debut is a profound, funny, and inevitably surreal love letter to death and its flesh-collapsing reality amid the hopes, fears, and desires of normal people. The ever-dependable Philip Seymour Hoffman plays community theater director Caden Cotard, whose family life with his wife Adele (Catherine Keener) and 4-year-old daughter in Schenectady is falling apart. Nagging health issues eat away at Caden as he uses a McArthur grant to build a sound stage version of Manhattan inside a gigantic wherehouse to write and direct a second life version of his pained existence. Synecdoche (pronounced sin-ec-ta-tee) rhymes with Schenectady and denotes a part of something used to refer to the whole thing, or the other way around. Kaufman’s high concept narrative is an evocative and empathic way of looking at the inevitability of death, and features a concentrated use of great female actors (Jennifer Jason Leigh, Samantha Morton, Emily Watson, Michelle Williams, and Diane Wiest star).

(B)

What Just Happened?

Barry Levinson’s adaptation of producer Art Linson's tell-all "What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line" closed the festival with an appropriate bit of self-reflexive Hollywood satire. Robert De Niro plays Ben, a twice-divorced LA producer whose status as a key power broker is threatened by the outcome of his latest project, an “edgy” Sean Penn thriller directed by an ego-maniacal auteur (Michael Wincott). To make matters worst, the starting date of Ben’s next picture depends on whether Bruce Willis will agree to shave of six months worth of beard that he is ridiculously attached to keeping. Filled with inside humor about things like the importance of premiering certain kinds of films at Cannes, Levinson’s latest comedy confirmed the first rule of success in the film business; “nobody knows nothing.”

(B)

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

“Vicky Cristina Barcelona” is a postcard trifle about two American girls (British newcomer Rebecca Hall as Vicky, and Scarlett Johansson as Cristina) on a summer vacation complicated by the amorous attentions of local painter Juan Antonio (mischievously played by Javier Bardem) whose bi-polar ex-wife Maria Elena (Penelope Cruz) brings danger into the mix. The movie compulsively hits fast-forward every time Woody interrupts the action with voice-over narration from an extraneous male narrator, but is nonetheless an improvement over his last film, “Cassandra’s Dream.”

(B-)

The Foot Fist Way

For a low budget, independent comedy made in 19 days, "The Foot Fist Way" is a clever and surprisingly satisfying effort from first-time director and co-writer Jody Hill. Fred Simmons (played by comedian Danny McBride) runs a Tae Kwon Do dojo in a strip mall when he isn’t driving his sports car to all-you-can-eat restaurants with his adulterous bimbo wife, Suzie (played by Mary Jane Bostic). Fred (the self-proclaimed "king of the demo") attracts students by putting on board breaking demonstrations in parking lots, and isn’t above physically abusing students in class regardless of their age. Fred preaches martial arts tenets of self-control, courtesy, perseverance, integrity and an indomitable spirit even as he repeatedly hits on a female student he wants to bed. The movie hits high gear when Fred takes some students to meet his B-movie action hero Chuck "The Truck" Wallace, and invite the 8-time undefeated champ to give a demonstration at his studio.

Rated R, 87 mins. (B-)

Son of Rambow

Even if you get past its misspelled title (yes, writer/director Garth Jennings is referencing Sylvester Stallone’s ‘80s era "Rambo" movies), there isn’t enough narrative grist to satisfy its would-be nostalgic British adult target audience. Set in Hertfordshire, in the early ‘80s, 10-year-old Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) is coping with the death of his father under religiously strict household when he meets tough little Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Lee shows Will a "Rambo" movie on a beat-up VHS tape, and makes Will promise to perform in an amateur movie he’s making based on Rambo-styled fight sequences. The movie doesn’t know if it wants to be a kid’s movie (it’s not), or just a prepubescent reverie. Either way "Son of Rambow" is a slapdash story told in a slapdash way.

Rated PG-13, 95 mins. (D+) (One Star)

 

Postal

An irredeemable exploitation satire, based on a videogame, from schlock director Uwe Boll, "Postal" is an anti-Semitic, phallic-obsessed, childish movie about nothing. Apocalyptic muscleman Dude (Zack Ward) lives a miserable existence in a trailer park with his obese and adulterous wife. Armed to the teeth, Dude takes on sex-addict-cult-guru Uncle Dave and Al Qaeda ops conspiring to spread avian bird flu via a cargo of beans-&-franks penis doll toys. Many gunshots are fired and many breasts exposed, but nothing can compensate for Boll’s utterly amateurish talent and sloppy approach at every level of filmmaking. Uwe Boll is the epitome of a hack director who thinks that putting an Osama impersonator and a George Bush lookalike together in a scene will automatically make some comic impression. It just made me sleepy and tired.

Rated R, 83 mins. (D-) (Zero Stars)

Baby Mama

Baby madness happily invades the brain of Philadelphia bachelorette and thriving businesswoman Kate Holbrook (gleefully played by Tina Fey) who, at the ripe age of 37, hires a surrogate mom to birth her sperm bank assisted baby. Amy Poehler plays Angie Ostrowiski, the white trash bimbet whose uterus will host Kate’s kin while she soaks up Kate’s upper class lifestyle as her temporary roommate. Poehler and Fey display a snappy on-screen chemistry that supports writer/director Michael McCullers’ quick-witted set pieces. Steve Martin makes a rare and humorous appearance as Kate’s crunchy granola boss, and supporting cast members Greg Kinnear, Sigourney Weaver, Romany Malco and Maura Tierney keep the laughs bubbling. Surrogate motherhood is the comic topic of the day, and this is one funny chick flick that won’t rankle male members of the audience.

Rated PG-13, 87 mins. (B+) (Four Stars)

Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

In spite of their dubiously short stay at the prison of the film’s title this multi-culti screwball buddy comedy, about stoner goofballs Harold and Kumar, properly roasts post 9/11 America with an irreverent vengeance. While on a flight to Amsterdam, Kumar (played by Kal Penn) gets mistaken for a terrorist with a bomb, and his mile high bong-smoking effort lands him and Harold (played by John Cho) in the Gitmo clink. An all-too-easy escape delivers them on a Florida shore from which they go on a cross-country road trip to Texas, where Kumar intends to ruin his ex-girlfriend’s wedding. There’s plenty of comic riffing on sex-fueled jokes that find their level with Neil Patrick Harris reprising his role from the first Harold and Kumar movie as a doped up sex addict who takes the boys to a brothel for some hapless results. Fast, cheap, and out-of-control "Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" is just what America needs.

Rated R, 102 mins. (B) (Three Stars)

Smart People

Somebody should have told screenwriter Mark Poirier that it’s oxymoronic to trumpet a Republican character as a "smart" person in this well-acted but underwhelming comedy. Dennis Quaid plays Lawrence Wetherhold, a disaffected and widowed English professor living in Pittsburgh with his rightwing teen-aged daughter Vanessa (played with confident aplomb by the ever-watchable Ellen Page). Lawrence is looking for a publisher for his latest book, entitled "You Can’t Read," when his good-for-nothing adopted brother Chuck (played by Thomas Haden Church) shows up out of the blue for an extended round of couch surfing. An accidental head injury brings Lawrence face to face with emergency room doctor Janet Hartigan (played by Sarah Jessica Parker), a former student with just enough of a lingering crush for the two misfits to start dating. Thomas Haden Church steals every scene he’s in, in this post-midlife-crisis coming of age movie that carries its emotional baggage like a badge.

Rated R, 111 mins. (C+) (Two Stars)

Run, Fat Boy, Run

Actor David Schwimmer makes his feature film directorial debut with an innocuous romantic comedy about Londoner Dennis (played by the talented Simon Pegg), a chubby lingerie store security guard, obsessed with winning back Libby, the woman he left stranded at the alter five years ago. Thandie Newton plays Libby, a career-minded professional leading a happy life with the man of her dreams, a smarmy filthy rich American named Whit (played with gusto by Hank Azaria). Acting on desperation, Dennis promises to run in an upcoming charity marathon that the athletically prone Whit is also running in. "Run, Fat Boy, Run" is a cut-and-dried formula comedy slightly elevated by its more than competent cast. Simon Pegg is genuinely funny as the slacker underdog, Hank Azaria snaps a few comic zingers, and Thandie Newton is irreproachable as the object of desire.

Rated PG-13, 97 mins. (C+)

Drillbit Taylor

The specter of Owen Wilson's brush with suicide hangs over this goofy Judd Apatow-produced comedy about three bullied high school nerds who hire homeless war vet Drillbit Taylor (played by Wilson) to protect them. The movie fumbles with establishing a relationship between chubby Ryan, scrawny Wade, little Emmit and the man/boy they hire to tutor them in self-defense techniques that never really pay off. At school, a duo of senior class thugs brutalize the boys daily, cramming them into lockers, chasing them with their car, and generally making their existence miserable. Drillbit is only too happy to take the boys' money, and pawn store friendly items, in order to save up enough dough to start a new life in Alaska. Apart from a few mildly funny bits of slapstick, "Drillbit Taylor" doesn't come near the level of comedy that Judd Apatow and screenwriter Seth Rogen are known for.
Rated PG-13, 102 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

Frances McDormand executive produced this deft and sophisticated screwball comedy that’s more than just a perfect movie for grandmothers.Set in 1939 London at the start of World War II, the story follows freshly unemployed governess Guinevere Pettigrew (flawlessly played by Frances McDormand) as she bluffs her way into the luxurious penthouse apartment of American singer Delysia Lafosse (played by Amy Adams). Miss Pettigrew immediately takes on the duties of Delysia’s social secretary, which mainly include helping the ingenue juggle the three men vying for her attention. In return, Miss Pettigrew gains entre, with a new dress and make-up, into a social world that she is navigates with unexpected aplomb. Amy Adams is terrific as the bubbly airhead, and the ubiquitous Ciaran Hinds adds an air of dignified romance to the period piece.

Rated PG-13, 90 mins. (B+)

Charlie Bartlett

Anyone who doubts for a second that Anton Yelchin ("Alpha Dog") is on his way to being a big deal should see this smart satire that’s a cross between "Catcher in the Rye" and "Running With Scissors." Yelchin plays child-of-privilege Charlie Bartlett, whose all-engrossing desire to be popular has gotten him kicked out of every private school he’s attended, for things like running a fake I.D. business. Relegated to public school, Charlie makes some quick adjustments--like losing the uniform blazer and tapping into the unlimited prescription drug supply that his new psychiatrist is only too happy to prescribe. Charlie’s status as the school’s go-to-amateur shrink has the teen populace eating out of his hand, including the principal’s daughter Susan (Kat Dennings). Robert Downey Jr. adds considerably to the gravitas of the piece as Principal Nathan Gardener, whose sobriety and sanity are shaken by Charlie’s powers of seduction. Here is a perfect example of what indie fans refer to as a "great little movie."

Rated R, 97 mins. (B+)

Definitely, Maybe

For a Valentine’s Day romantic comedy "Definitely, Maybe" hits all the right notes of commitment, honesty and maturity that go into a young father’s explanation to his daughter about the women he dated before she was conceived. Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds plays Gen X politico upstart turned advertising executive Will Hayes whose bumbling ‘90s era dating life forms the story’s backbone. Will’s precocious daughter Maya is perfectly played by Abigail Breslin, but it’s Aussie actress Isla Fisher who keeps the romantic tension bubbling.

Rated PG-13, 100 mins. (B)

The Savages

Aging and dying are the themes that writer/director Tamara Jenkins ("The Slums of Beverly Hills") takes a comical running start at before hitting diminishing returns. Wendy (Laura Linney) and Jon Savage (Philip Seymour Hoffman) are the estranged children of Lenny Savage (Philip Bosco), their disenfranchised father whose days with his domestic partner Doris in Sun City, Arizona come to an abrupt end when he smears feces on the bathroom wall to insult their caregiver. Lenny’s spiral into dementia pulls would-be playwright Wendy from her Manhattan temp job to Buffalo, New York where Jon teaches College Theater and is on deadline for a book on Brecht. Together the siblings find a suitable facility in which to place Lenny during his last days while each of them face glaring emotional voids that have left them single in their early ‘40s. It’s obvious that Jenkins is inspired by the work of Canadian writer/director Denys Arcand ("The Barbarian Invasions"), but she doesn’t dig deep enough to capture the complexities and nuance that the material demands. Hoffman and Linney keep the film afloat toward a lackluster ending that all but shovels everything that has come before under a metaphorical rug.

Rated R, 113 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

Margot at the Wedding

Nicole Kidman gives her best performance since "To Die For" (1995) in this neurotic cultural zeitgeist comedy that methodically goes against the grain. Kidman plays Margot, the bi-polar sister to her equally screwed up sister Pauline (Jennifer Jason Leigh). Short-story author Margot feigns sibling loyalty to ostensibly repair the rift she created with Pauline some years ago when she brings her son Claude (Zane Pais) to witness Pauline’s marriage to her slacker fiancé Malcolm (Jack Black) at the couple’s New England home. Familial melodrama explodes in sequenced intervals as Margot gets up to her old tricks of sabotaging Pauline while her obvious motive of hooking up with an old flame that lives nearby shocks her androgynous son’s sensibilities. Writer/director Noah Baumbach’s follow-up to "Squid and the Whale" is a sophisticated satire that takes hilarious and accurate aim at the not-so-squishy belly of American family life where narcissistic psychosexual games are played out with shameless immediacy. Claude is the likable protagonist among a slew of warped family members. The narrative weak link is Baumbach’s refusal to introduce the girls’ mother even though she arrives during the film’s closing moments.

Rated R, 91 mins. (B) (Three Stars)

Juno

It isn’t often that a romantic comedy comes along with as much originality, vitality, and biting satire as screenwriter Diablo Cody’s wickedly funny "Juno." The irrepressible Ellen Page ("Hard Candy") plays Juno MacGuff, a cynical and quick-witted teenager who gets pregnant during her first sexual encounter. Juno’s would-be boyfriend Paulie (Michael Cera) takes a torch-carrying backseat to Juno’s troubles as she sets out to find a couple to adopt her unborn baby after being scared off from getting an abortion. Enter picture-perfect suburban couple Mark and Vanessa (Justin Bateman and Jennifer Garner) who are seemingly pleased-as-punch at the prospect of raising Juno’s tiny offspring. The dialogue is punchy to a fault, but the movie adds up to a near-perfect mix of laughs and romantic authenticity. The soundtrack is awesome and director Jason Reitman ("Thank You For Smoking") wisely lets the material and his gifted cast work their magic unfettered. This is one damn clever movie that hits you in the head, heart and funny bone.

Rated PG-13. 96 mins. (A-) (Four Stars)

Southland Tales

Southland Tales

Richard Kelly’s follow-up to "Donnie Darko" is the biggest stinker since "Battlefield Earth." Hell, at 144 minutes it’s far worse than "Battlefield Earth." That makes "Southland Tales" the lowest movie of the last nine years. Duane "The Rock" Johnson sets the film’s spastic tone with an all-time-worst-performance-from-a-human-being as he constantly taps his fingers as a tweaky amnesiac actor married to a Republican senator’s daughter (Mandy Moore). The end of the world is upon us as American fascism, terrorism, and navel-picking porn culture finds the light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a nuclear explosion. Santa Monica is political ground zero where a gaggle of slipshod characters, who have never read a book in their lives, bounce around town ducking for safety in living rooms, bars and under palm trees. Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a Britney-type porn starlet getting her media groove on as a TV host dedicated to protecting "teen horniness." The U.S. militzia are all around as Iraq war vet Ronald Traverner (Seann William Scott), and his twin Ronald, spoil for a dual. Justin Timberlake also plays a war vet, albeit with a knack for lip-syncing. There’s political satire ostensibly buried somewhere in Kelly’s muddy cinematic slop, but you’ll never be able to stain it out. Blech!

Rated R, 144 mins. (F) (Zero Stars)

Fred Claus

Better than it has a right to be, this holiday confection takes a coasting sleigh ride in Vince Vaughn’s humbled charisma as Santa’s goof-up older brother. Fred Claus’s days as a thieving Chicago repo man end when he calls his jolly brother to bail him out of jail. In return for his freedom, Fred agrees to move to the North Pole and help our Santa (beautifully underplayed by Paul Giamatti) in the busy days leading up to Christmas. Santa has his own economic pressures with a business efficiency wolf threatening to take over his toy-building town. Director David Dobkin ("Wedding Crashers") stays the course on the straight-line story before settling Santa’s night of gift giving on an appropriately somber note indicative of our troubled times. Sure it’s all about the performances of Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, and there isn’t a trace of the cynicism of "Bad Santa" or the dippy romance of "Elf," but that’s the point.

Rated PG, 104 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

Fat Girls

Amateurish to distraction, this modern-day satire about growing up gay in a small town has such a minimal pulse that you may well wonder if first-time writer/director/actor Ash Christian didn’t burn his script before shooting began. Christian plays Rodney a virginal and gay high school senior who dreams of moving to New York and performing on Broadway. Rodney finds some consolation from his dead-end existence with his best friend Sabrina (Ashley Fink), an overweight girl raised by lesbians with whom he feels a deep affinity, and with Joey a British newcomer at school who exposes Rodney to gay nightlife. The belief that all misfits have "an inner fat girl" is the intrinsically second-rate theme that drives this navel-gazing expedition pretending to be a coming-of-age comedy.Even an engaging supporting performance from Tarnation’s Jonathan Caouette doesn’t do a damn bit of good.

Rated R, 82 mins. (D) (One Star)

Finishing The Game

As if the fame and phenomena of Bruce Lee hadn’t already been picked over to the point of obscene greed, writer/director Justin Lin ("Better Luck Tomorrow") takes a low-concept swipe at the milieu surrounding the completion of Lee’s last film "Game of Death." Intended as a mockumentary, "Finishing the Game" follows the casting process for a Bruce Lee stand-in capable of sustaining some level of believability, if not similarity, to the kung-fu master. Asian martial arts C-movie star Breeze Loo (Roger Fan) seems like a shoe-in against ‘70s television actor Troy Poon (Dustin Nguyen), and a host of kooky Bruce Lee wannabes. Lin creates an atmosphere of ‘70s-era satire without ever bothering to map out a cogent storyline. So anemic that it creaks, the film’s attempts at slapstick comedy evaporate before your eyes can focus on the screen. Besmirching Bruce Lee’s name like this should be a punishable offense.

Not Rated, 88 mins. (D) (One Star)

Outsourced

Joining the recent parade of India-set films is a softhearted romantic comedy about Todd Anderson (Josh Hamilton – "Broken English"), a telephone sales manager for a Seattle novelty company, who embraces India’s culture and one of its women after being reassigned to an outsourcing project. Asha (Ayesha Dharker) is Todd’s bright new employee at his company’s less-than-finished office in India. Although it starts off slowly, and with too many false starts at comedy, the story warms up considerably in the third act when Todd and Asha go on a brief business mission together. Based on a script by George Wing ("50 First Dates"), co-writer/director John Jeffcoat’s struggles with timing and tone are the main drawbacks to this mini cinematic vacation to Mumbai, Bombay.

Rated PG-13, 103 mins. (C+) (Two Stars)

The Darjeeling Limited

Oh-so-precious-trust-fund director Wes Anderson ("The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou") doesn’t so much make movies as he assembles a cast to work from slapdash "meta" scripts that result in self-congratulatory hodgepodges of cinematic expression. Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman and Adrien Brody have the dubious honor of playing three estranged (and implausible) brothers that go on a soul-searching bitch fest across India with an unexplained number of goofy matching suitcases. The male bonding occurs largely during a sleeper-car train ride aboard the "Darjeeling Limited" where the brothers’ individual quirks come into high relief. The youngest brother Francis (Wilson) wears a fresh bandage on his head and face to cover self-inflicted wounds he earned in a motorcycle crash. Peter (Brody) struggles with the fact of his absent wife’s unwanted pregnancy, while eldest brother Jack (Schwartzman) quells his obsession over a former girlfriend by indulging in spontaneous sex with a train stewardess (Amara Karan). The film’s over-pronounced theme of "healing" is put through so many artificial plot points that there isn’t any narrative oxygen to support it. "The Darjeeling Limited" is a dud where even its attempts at slapstick comedy fall flat.

Rated R, 91 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

Mr. Woodcock

In spite of its piecemeal approach, "Mr. Woodcock" erupts with sidesplitting slapstick gags that more than compensate for subplots that never add up. Billy Bob Thornton plays Mr. Woodcock, an abusive and condescending elementary school gym teacher whose past comes back to bite him. Woodcock is dating the mother (Susan Sarandon) of his former student John Farley who has grown up to become the famous author of a self-help book entitled "Letting Go: Getting Past Your Past." Farley’s return to his Midwest hometown, to receive its honored "Corn Cob Key" award, turns into an all out battle to prevent Woodcock from marrying his mother. Amy Poehler lobs comic grenades as John Farley’s ruthless alcoholic book tour publicist.

Rated PG-13, 87 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

The Nanny Diaries

"The Devil Has a Nanny" should have been the title of this "Devil Wears Prada" knock-off that squanders the talents of everyone associated. Writing/directing team Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini ("American Splendor") never get in tune beneath the voice-over narration of wanna-be-Manhattanite-anthropologist Annie Braddock. Upper East Side piece-of-work Mrs. X (Laura Linney) sizes Annie up for nanny work when they unexpectedly meet in the relative calm of Central Park. Annie takes the job of Fifth Avenue live-in nanny to Mrs. X’s son Grayer (Nicholas Reese Art) as a way to practice some covert social study while giving her New Jersey-based mom (Donna Murphy) the slip. With names like "Mr. & Mrs. X," the filmmakers don’t know whether to push the satire or pull back and hope the actors pull the piece together. Nothing clicks as nanny Annie gets sexy with her new neighbor (called Harvard Hottie – Chris Evans), and finds out more than she wanted to know about the adulterous Mr. X (Paul Giamatti.)

Rated PG-13, 96 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

Rush Hour 3

It’s been six years since "Rush Hour 2," and police officer Carter (Chris Tucker) has been demoted to traffic cop, a job he treats with such dance-move-irreverence that car flow around his designated intersection doesn’t stand a chance. Agent Lee (Jackie Chan) is busy acting as bodyguard to Chinese Ambassador Han (Tzi Ma) who suffers an assassination attempt while giving a speech before the World Criminal Court in Los Angeles where he was about to name the leader of an international crime ring. A foot chase across a busy highway puts Lee in striking range of the hit man, but he’s unable to shoot when he discovers that it is his "brother" Kenji (Hiroyuki Sanada), now aligned with the Triad crime gang working in Paris, France where Lee and Carter will soon follow. In their third and ostensibly last outing together, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker go through the motions of energizing the Rush Hour franchise, albeit with less physical action and much less apparent joy.

Rated PG-13, 91 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

2 Days in Paris

French actress/writer/director Julie Delpy ("Before Sunset") fails miserably with this Paris-set romantic farce where American girly-man Jack (Adam Goldberg) learns to loathe his slutty bipolar girlfriend Marion (Delpy). Jack’s bundle of high-maintenance needs don’t begin to compare with Marion’s anger issues and proclivity for engaging former lovers that they bump into on the streets of Paris. It takes Jack a while to fully realize the depth of Marion’s lacking judgement of character that she seems to gauge with genitalia, and even after it hits him what a piece of work she is, he still comes back for more abuse. There’s nothing romantic or funny about characters this shallow, dysfunctional and unlikable.

Rated R, 96 mins. (D) One Star

The Ten

Inspired loosely by Krysztof Kieslowski’s famous "Dekalog" film series, director/co-writer David Wain takes a running leak at the Ten Commandments with ten equally timed comic segments that add up to a modern-day "Love American Style" brand of irreverent humor. Paul Rudd does dual duties as master of ceremonies and active participant in one of the skits. Some episodes work better than others do, but overall there’s enough constancy of tone for the comic glue to hang together. Liev Schreiber, Gretchen Mol, Justin Theroux and Winona Ryder are some of the talented cast members that inject mordant humor and serious laughs into the proceedings. The comedy seems to work best in the area of "coveting," as with the story of a neighbor who covets his neighbor’s Cat Scan machine and chases his family away by obsessively buying the enormous devises. Especially guffaw-inducing is a bit where a convict (Rob Corddry) covets a fellow inmate's "wife." In spite of its shortcomings, "The Ten" is an inspired and imaginative bellwether for where modern American comic sensibilities lay at the moment. It pushes the envelope in all of the right ways.

Rated R, 95 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

Be Cool

Self-mocking jokes prevail in F. Gary Gray’s feisty cinematic version of Elmore Leonard’s irreverent Los Angeles based novel. This sequel to the popular movie version of Leonard’s "Get Shorty" (1995) delves further into the mystique of Chilli Palmer (John Travolta), a man who seamlessly went from being a thug shylock to a slick film producer and now to being a music business kingpin. After Russian mob bullets interrupt a meeting between Chilli and music mogul Tommy Athens (James Woods) Chilli discovers promising singer Linda Moon (Christina Milan) and teams up with Athens’ widow Edie (Uma Thurman) to steal Linda away from her manager Raji (Vince Vaughn) and record producer Nick Carr (Harvey Keitel). Contracts on Chilli’s head pile up between competing factions as his plan for Linda’s musical success takes shape with the help of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler (playing himself).

Rated PG-13, 114 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

The Baxter

"The Baxter" is a Brooklyn-centric comedy about lifelong nerd Elliot Sherman (played by writer/director/actor Michael Showalter) whose trip to the altar with the girl of his dreams is fraught with embarrassment, humiliation and ultimate failure. Showalter fills the cast with a clique of New York actors goofing on one another’s performance with a casual camaraderie that’s infectious if not as entirely laugh inducing as Showalter intends. Justin Theroux, Peter Dinklage, Paul Rudd and Michelle Williams keep the humor at an even simmer in a quirky well-written comedy that never quite comes to a boil.

Rated PG-13, 91 mins. (C+) (Three Stars)

Anything Else

After losing a wide spectrum of his once-loyal audience due to public scandal around his personal life, the quality of Woody Allen’s films has steadily declined since it peaked with "Deconstructing Harry" in 1998. "Anything Else" represents low ebb for the comic filmmaker famous for transmuting the work of Ingmar Bergman into New York centric comedies full of neurosis based humor. Jason Biggs plays Jerry Falk, an upstart comedy writer, anachronistically inspired by Allen’s stint as a joke writer for Sid Caesar’s old TV program, who serves as Woody’s alter ego and comic apprentice in the story. Allen plays David Dobel, an aging paranoid comic writer who mentors Falk in all matters of love, life and commitment. Stilted artificial dialogue, direct-to-camera narration and strained performances exacerbate the film’s idiosyncratic attitudes toward prejudice, ego, privacy and obsession. "Anything Else" could easily be called "a feel-bad movie for all occasions."

Rated R, 108 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

Along Came Polly

Ben Stiller carries on with his trademark neurotic mantle as Reuben Feffer an anxiety-ridden heartbroken insurance risk assessor who finds impulsive love with Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston) a flaky fly-by-night slacker with a blind ferret. Reuben recently dumped his new bride (Debra Messing) on their honeymoon after catching her enflagrante with a scuba instructor (played wonderfully by Hank Azaria) and decides to go in the opposite dating direction with spicy foods and dirty salsa dancing. Screenwriter John Hamburg ("Meet The Parents") makes his directorial debut in this Ben Stiller vehicle that never gets off the ground. Hank Azaria ("Shattered Glass") pops as the scandalous French scuba instructor with an overactive libido, and Philip Seymour Hoffman ("Cold Mountain") scene-steals as an ego-driven community theater actor. For a movie with a theme of living life without deferring to fear of the risks involved, the filmmakers don't take chances in breaking the mold of run-of-the-mill romantic comedies.

Rated PG-13, 90 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

About Schmidt

Jack Nicholson plays Warren Schmidt, a 66 year-old retired and widowed insurance man from Omaha who drives his 35-foot Winnebago cross country to foil his daughter's upcoming wedding in this insultingly dim movie based on a novel by Louis Begley and directed by Alexander Payne. The humanity that Jack Nicholson brings to his heartfelt character is so deluged by the film’s pitiable tone and dubious dramatic arc that it would be more interesting to watch Nicholson read a phone book than see him degraded as he is here. The dreary, banal and insipid Midwest world that Payne ridicules must surely mistake the director’s slurs and insults as fawning admiration if we are to believe the critics who hail this patronizing film as a masterpiece.

Rated R, 125 mins. (D) (One Star)

You Kill Me

  This low-key mix of black comedy and social satire from director John Dahl dodges stereotypes even as it embraces a well-worn trope about an aging hit man attempting to salvage his life. Ben Kingsley plays Frank, an alcoholic New York assassin working for his Polish mob family when he blows one job too many by failing to knock off Irish mob boss O'Leary (Denis Farina). Frank’s family ships him off to San Francisco, sets him up with a funeral parlor job and enrolls him in Alcoholics Anonymous, where his gay AA sponsor Tom (Luke Wilson) takes him under his wing. Battling repeated drinking relapses, Frank woos corporate winner Tea Leoni and romantic sparks fly in spite of Frank’s disclosure about his real occupation. "You Kill Me" is about the real difficulties of beating addiction, but Dahl handles the sensitive subject with humor, irony and zips of action that make it an unexpected delight.

Rated R, 92 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

Are We There Yet?

With one of the most hackneyed expressions in children-based comedy movies "Are We There Yet?" fulfills every low expectation that its urban target audience will bring to their cinema chairs. Nick (Ice Cube - "Barbershop") plays a 35 year-old case of arrested development who makes the mistake of playing foot servant to Suzanne (Nia Long), a divorced woman with two hateful children, in a wayward attempt at starting up a relationship before his bachelor clock runs out. Nick witlessly agrees to shepherd Suzanne’s kids to Vancouver to be with their mother on New Year’s Eve after Suzanne’s ex-husband reneges on taking them. Nick suffers every humiliation of physical abuse and material loss on an extended road-trip that finally brings him what he deserves albeit not what the audience will endorse. This "Johnson’s Family Vacation" rip-off makes that tepid comedy look like a masterpiece by comparison.   

Rated PG, 91 mins. (D-) (One Star)

Fido

"Fido" is a black comedy that subscribes to the adage that any genre can be improved with the addition of zombies, with a capital Z. Set in a time-warped ‘50s American Dream era, the movie happily rolls out retro trappings that promise some salient social commentary, perhaps about illegal immigrants, that never comes to fruition. Empty-headed Americans live inside walled-in "ZomCon"-protected communities that keep out zombie cannibals roaming the earth. The irony is that families also keep domesticated zombies, with the aid of special collars, as servants, pets and even lovers as is the case with Mr. Theopolis (Tim Blake Nelson) who keeps a frisky young female zombie. "Timmy and Lassie"-styled protagonist Timmy Robinson (K'Sun Ray) adopts the zombie (Billy Connolly) that his mother Helen (Carrie-Anne Moss) procures, and names him Fido, against the wishes of his conservative dad Bill (Dylan Baker). However, Fido is not the good-boy that Timmy imagines, and it takes some secret assistance from mom to keep things status quo.

Rated R, 91 mins. (C+) (Two Stars)

A Mighty Wind

Director Christopher Guest teams up recurring cast members from his past ensemble comedies ("This Is Spinal Tap," "Waiting For Guffman" and "Best In Show") for this immaculately executed comedy of folk music stereotypes. The squishy underbelly of ‘60s folk music ala "Peter, Paul & Mary" (not Bob Dylan or John Prine) gets a thorough reality check in Guest’s documentary-styled satire in which his affectionately realized characters toy with the hearts hung openly on their sleeves. Three groups of folk music has-beens prepare to reunite for a concert at Manhattan’s famed Town Hall to honor Irving Steinbloom, a recently deceased folk music promoter, in this terrific spoof.

Rated PG-13, 87 mins. (Four Stars)

A Guy Thing

A quick glance at the three main actors for "A Guy Thing" (Jason Lee, Selma Blair and Julia Stiles) tells you that this is a second-rate romantic comedy more likely to send you out to buy toothpaste than go jump in the sack with your date after the movie is over. The cast plays their already empty characters even dumber than the cut-and-paste script demands. Paul (Jason Lee – "Big Trouble") is a Seattle ad salesman working for his fiancée Karen’s (Selma Blair) father (James Brolin) when his bachelor party ends him up in bed with Becky (Julia Stiles), a studiedly unsexy Tiki dancer from the party. Although Becky sleeps nude with Paul – her forgotten panties later serve as a teasing plot device – she reassures him that "nothing happened." Indeed, nothing much does transpire as the movie blunders through the six days leading up to Paul and Karen’s wedding date with Paul acting as a scapegoat for various public and private humiliations over things like crabs, diarrhea and a certain pair of wet panties.

Rated PG-13, 101 mins. (D) (One Star)

Death at a Funeral

Director Frank Oz nearly redeems himself after his disastrous "Stepford Wives" remake, with a British black comedy that goes over the top backwards. Wanna-be novelist Daniel (Matthew Macfadyen) ambivalently gets ready for his recently deceased father’s funeral with the help of his distracted wife Jane (Keeley Hawes). But no amount of readiness could prepare Daniel for the mistakenly ingested drugs, attempted blackmail, corpse switching and bouts of nudity that attend the mansion-bound funerary services. Peter Dinklage adds his signature spice as a former gay lover to the deceased, intent on sharing in some financial reward of the closeted man’s passing. Inspired performances from the ensemble cast, including Ewan Bremner, Rupert Graves and Alan Tudyk, dispatch waves of laughter in this well-crafted dark comedy.

Rated R, 90 mins. (B+) (Four Stars)

The Wendell Baker Story

Luke Wilson’s written, acted and debut-co-directed homage to offbeat ‘70s era satires, ala "Rancho Deluxe," is a study in movie-by-committee entropy. Made with five Wilson family members, the rambling story follows fictional good-hearted Texas criminal Wendell Baker (Luke Wilson) whose extended prison sentence, for selling counterfeit driver’s licenses to Mexican immigrants, motivates him to pursue hotel management. Still heartbroken at the loss of his truelove Doreen (Eva Mendes), Wendell takes an administrative post at Shady Grove, a shabby retirement hotel overseen by a couple of con men nurses running a perplexing Medicare scam. Wendell’s fast friendship with a crew of quirky residents, played by Harry Dean Stanton, Seymour Cassel and Kris Kristofferson, results in a last ditch attempt to steal Doreen away from the grubby hands of her grocery store manager husband Dave Bix (Will Ferrell).

Rated PG-13, 99 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

The TV Set

Director Jake Kasdan’s not-so-scathing satire of the slimy underbelly of television program development is neither funny enough nor biting enough to validate its overreaching goals. Mike (David Duchovny) is a TV writer with a pregnant wife trying to hold onto the artistic vision of his newly green-lighted TV pilot against the niggling interference of studio exec Lenny (Sigourney Weaver) who wants to remold Mike’s moody drama as a goofball comedy. Ioan Gruffudd steals scenes as Richard McCallister a well-meaning but impotent defender of Mike’s original concept, which wouldn’t pass muster in the real world of modern television. This thinly comic movie about the cheesy corporate personalities at work behind a crummy TV series just isn’t very entertaining.

Rated R, 87 mins. (C)

Year of the Dog

Minimalist non-romantic comedy from debut writer/director Mike White (writer on "School of Rock") asserts that substituting the love of animals is equal to or even greater than spending time with people. Gloomy loser Peggy Snow (Molly Shannon), a corporate nine-to-fiver whose dog Pencil dies when she lets it out in the middle of the night and it eats snail poison in her neighbor’s garage. Peggy’s spirits are briefly lifted when she starts dating Newt (Peter Sarsgaard), a vegan ASPCA worker not interested in a sexual relationship due to his latent homosexuality. And so it goes that Peggy fulfills her own prophecies of failure after becoming vegan and forging her boss’s signature on a check to an animal-friendly farm. Compelling secondary performances by Laura Dern, John C. Reilly and Josh Pais can’t distract from Molly Shannon’s distinctly repellant character. "Dog of the Year" might be a better title.

Rated PG-13, 97 mins. (D+)

I Think I Love My Wife

Writer/director/actor Chris Rock creates a perverse remake of Eric Rohmer ’s "Chloe In The Afternoon" (1972), about a husband’s potential to cheat on his wife. Richard Cooper (Rock) is a successful Manhattan investment banker and family man who gets some welcome distraction from Nikki Tru (Kerry Washington), a platonic gal-pal from college, who unexpectedly visits him at work. At home Richard’s wife of seven years has become frigid, and he chooses to ignore the jeopardy to his job that Nikki’s frequent office visits cause. What makes Rock’s stand-up comedy funny does not translate to feature film narrative. Spazzing bubbles of slapstick humor, melodrama, musical numbers and sterile jokes emphasize Rock’s unpolished acting and directing abilities.

Rated R, 94 mins. (C-) (Two Stars)

Wild Hogs

This contemptuously formulated comedy, about four middle-age-crisis-suffering men going on cross country motorcycle road trip, isn’t worth the film stock it was shot on. John Travolta, William H. Macy, Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence phone in performances as they bike, with or without helmets, toward a roadhouse that will be their Rubicon. A Hell’s Angels-like motorcycle gang calls our group of hen-pecked guys on the carpet for posing as real bikers with cartoonish Wild Hogs emblems on their jackets. An inevitable, if profoundly unfunny, fistfight restores a vacuous sense of masculinity and freedom to the four main characters whose more realistic demise would have made for a more satisfying movie.

Rated PG-13, 99 mins. (D-) (Zero Stars)

Reno 911!: Miami

The comedy gang from the popular television series takes their highly polished improvised comedic stylings to the big screen for bawdier and more explosive laughs. The terminally foolish and horny deputies of the Reno Sheriffs Department take a bus to Miami to attend a law enforcement convention, only to discover that the rest of the conventioneers are trapped inside the convention center after a bioterrorist threat. Entrusted to look after the unsupervised city of Miami, the incompetent police team manages to bust a crime ring while keeping up with their good-natured sexual antics and unplanned disasters. Paul Rudd, Danny DeVito, Paul Reubens and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson appear in surprise cameo roles that validate the dysfunctional humor.

Rated R, 81 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

Music and Lyrics

Alex Fletcher (Hugh Grant) is a former sideman from a Wham!-inspired '80s new wave band called 'PoP!,' who gets the promise of a career boost from slinky Cora Corman (Haley Bennett), a Britney Spears-like singer who appoints Alex to write a duet song called "Way Back Into Love." With only melody writing as his strong suit, Alex persuades his loquacious substitute houseplant keeper Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) to help him write a song that Cora must choose over versions she assigned to other musicians. The novelty of comedic musical hooks, and the eye pleasing coupling of Barrymore and Grant, dissolves with writer/director Marc Lawrence's ("Miss Congeniality") predictable storyline.
Rated PG-13, 86 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

Starter For 10

Director Tom Vaughn’s mid-‘80s coming-of-age comedy follows Brian Jackson (James McAvoy – "The Last King of Scotland") from his modest home in the seaside town of Essex to Bristol University where his mastery of general knowledge earns him a substitute spot on the college debate team. When he isn’t putting his foot in his mouth with members of the opposite sex, Brian lives for the long-running television quiz show University Challenge where he hopes to lead his team to victory. All-around sturdy performances, from a cast that includes Dominic Cooper and Benedict Cumberbatch, gel well with Vaughn’s cherry-picked nostalgic soundtrack that includes tracks from the Buzzcocks, The Cure and The Smiths. For as lighthearted as "Starter For 10" seems on the outside, there is plenty of subtle interpretation about how radically social freedoms have changed since the ‘80s.

Rated PG-13, 96 mins. (B-) (Three Stars)

Norbit

Eddie Murphy steals more than a few ideas from Tyler Perry ("Madea’s Family Reunion") for his multi-character comedy that has Murphy playing an obese wench named Rasputia, to whom Norbit (Murphy) is married. Intimidated into wedlock, the nerdy Norbit finds a pep in his step when his childhood sweetheart Kate (Thandie Newton) returns to the neighborhood, albeit with her smarmy fiancé Deion (Cuba Gooding Jr.), to purchase the orphanage where she and Norbit were raised. Stilted shenanigans ensue as Norbit is manipulated by Rasputia’s three brothers into helping wrest away control of Kate’s property, which they plan to turn into a strip club. The funniest moments come from Murphy’s comic delivery as Rasputia when she asks in a confrontational tone, "How are YOU doing?"

Rated PG-13, 102 mins. (C) (Two Stars)

Puccini For Beginners

Writer/director Maria Maggenti ("The Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls In Love") makes another failed attempt at creating a lesbian dramedy to capture the imaginations of gay and straight mainstream audiences. Manhattan is the setting where Allegra (Elizabeth Reaser) and Samantha (Julianne Nicholson) breakup after Allegra holds out on confessing her love. An old boyfriend lures Samantha to play for his team while Allegra's one-night-stand with a guy takes a funny twist after she unknowingly falls for his recently jilted lover Grace (Gretchen Mol). There are some chuckles to be had, but the movie plays it too safe for its own good.
Not Rated, 82 mins. (C+) Two Stars

Because I Said So

In this unwatchable romantic comedy from director Michael Lehmann ("40 Days and 40 Nights") Diane Keaton plays Daphne Wilder, an inept mother of three pretty but not-believable-as-siblings daughters. Circumcision, breast size and orgasm jokes abound as the never-had-a-climax mom surreptitiously places online dating ads for her awkward daughter Milly (Mandy Moore) to catch a lad. Milly's romantic choice is split between a gentlemanly architect (Tom Everett Scott) and a smarmy guitar player (Gabriel Macht) with an eligible father who falls for Daphne. Every attempt at slapstick and innuendo-laced humor falls flat in a seemingly computer-written chick flick that contributes to keeping the genre the most reviled of all cinematic categories.   
Rated PG-13, 102 mins. (D) (One Star)

Night At The Museum

This pastiche comedy, about Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) a rudderless father who takes on a night watchman job at Manhattan’s Museum of Natural History only to discover that the exhibits come to life at night, is a piecemeal procedure in Hollywood excess. Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams) imparts nuggets of wisdom to Larry about how he should handle the rampaging prehistoric animals and warring armies that demolish the museum every night, but when Teddy reveals that he is just a wax copy of Roosevelt it negates the narrative momentum of the set-up. Why should we care if Larry’s new love interest Rebecca (Carla Gugino) can finally finish her thesis on Sacajewea by interviewing the American Indian since she isn’t even the real McCoy?

Rated PG, 110 mins. (C-)

Code Name: The Cleaner

File this cinematic misfire in the what-on-earth-were-they-thinking category. Cedric the Entertainer relies on his modest comic charms to fill the oceanic plot gaps that open up around his janitor character Jake who wakes up with amnesia next to a dead FBI agent before flashbacks hint at his own identity as some kind of special agent. Jake’s waitress friend Gina (Lucy Liu) comes to his rescue in helping him escape from a band of bad guys led by femme fatale Diane (Nicollette Sheridan). Director Les Mayfield ("The Man") and screenwriters Robert Adetuyi and George Gallo should quit their day jobs after this indefensible clunker.

Rated PG-13, 91 mins. (D-)

Venus

Screenwriter Hanif Kureishi ("My Beautiful Laundrette") finds his trademark "crackle" of sexual energy in the unlikely sensual longings of Maurice, a terminally ill actor (brilliantly played by Peter O'Toole), for his best friend Ian's 19-year-old grand-niece Jessie (Jodie Whittaker). Jesse is an unattractive misfit recently kicked out of her home when she arrives to live with her great-uncle Ian (Leslie Phillips). Jessie's rude and unrefined attitude grates on Ian, but Maurice sees beauty beneath her coarse exterior, and sets about taking her out to plays, lunches and to the sets of his acting jobs. Although sexually impotent, Maurice cajoles Jessie into allowing him the smallest glimpses of her body and delicate nibbles on her nape that serves as the final conquest of his life. Newcomer Jodie Whittaker fulfills the elusive arc of her budding character, but it is the great Peter O'Toole who makes every ticking of the clock seem a momentous occasion in this nuanced drama about the power of the female body to inspire.   
Rated R, 95 mins. (B-)

The Holiday

This year's Christmas-time romantic comedy is an exasperating dud. Iris (Kate Winslet) pines for Jasper (Rufus Sewell), a romantically unavailable co-worker, from the comfort of her cozy English countryside cottage, while Amanda (Cameron Diaz) expels her unfaithful beau Ethan (Edward Burns) from her palatial Beverly Hills mansion. The two women meet on the Internet and arrange a Christmastime house swap that finds Amanda offering her body up to Iris' smarmy brother Graham (Jude Law) on the first night in her modest temporary digs. Meanwhile, Iris splits her time between Arthur (Eli Wallach), a famous elderly screenwriter, and film composer Miles (Jack Black) who may or may not be on the outs with his girlfriend Maggie (Shannyn Sossamon). Dialogue hits the floor like frozen eggnog in writer/director Nancy Meyers' protracted exercise in cliché-mining.
Rated PG-13, 138 mins. (C-)

10 Items or Less

Writer/director Brad Silberling ("Moonlight Mile") creates an ostensibly improvised comedy that fails to stir laughs or insight by way of its singular cult-of-personality narrative device. Named simply "Him," Morgan Freeman plays a loose version of himself as an actor hanging out in a downtown L.A. grocery store for nascent research on a film project. He befriends a store cashier named Scarlet (Paz Vega) and takes her on a spontaneous and existential journey through his personal philosophies on health, happiness and survival. While Freeman and Vega are mildly entertaining, the story is too safe and precious to elicit anything more than a passing sense of amusement.

Rated R, 82 mins. (D+)

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

Sure their weed-friendly humor is aimed squarely at the 15-year-old boy lurking in every 35 to 45 year-old guy, but Jack Black and Kyle Gass inject more irreverent fun than the Christopher Guest team squeezed into "Spinal Tap." A teenage JB (Jack Black) escapes from his oppressive Christian father (Meat Loaf) and heads for Hollywood where he meets guitar god KG (Gass) busking on a Venice beach. JB enters into an apprenticeship under KG, and the soldiers of rock soon discover the existence of a mythic "Pick of Destiny" that will turn them into instant rock ‘n’ roll gods if they can steal it from its home in a rock ‘n’ roll museum. Ben Stiller pops up as guitar store guru and Tim Robbins adds cameo spice as a grizzled rocker. "Tenacious D" is a movie for fans of the hilarious spoof-rocking duo. You know who you are.

Rated R, 93 mins. (B-)

For Your Consideration

The comedy team behind such gems as "Waiting For Guffman" and "A Might Wind" hit a rut in this mediocre movie about the cast and crew of an independent movie called "A Home For Purim" that generates undeserving Oscar buzz and snowballs into a zeppelin of overblown hope. Absent are the polished layers of backstory and subtext that packed "A Mighty Wind" with laughs. The film-within-a-film narrative device falls flat because the inner story is a melodrama with no comic momentum of its own. Christopher Guest. Eugene Levy, Bob Balaban, Catherine O'Hara, Parker Posey, and Harry Shearer struggle to flesh out their goofy characters with improvised meaning that never gels.

Rated PG-13, 86 mins. (C)

Jackass Number Two

Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius and their crew of modern day clowns cause a cathartic of existential experience by engaging in their masochistic slapstick humor. The communal social release they provide isn’t the faux intellectual slapstick of Monty Python, or even the canny social satire of Sacha Baron Cohen ("Borat"), but rather a physical brand of humor that if it doesn’t elicit a response then you probably don’t have a pulse. The schoolboy skits are shorter and greater in number than the first Jackass movie, but the laughs and howls they provoke are just as loud and many.

Rated R. 92 mins. (B)

Accepted

Steve Pink’s directorial debut (he was the screenwriter on John Cusack’s great black comedy "Grosse Point Blank") is a slight but punchy comedy of college-aged misfits that starts out strong before slipping down a greasy narrative slope into a dull third act that denies most of the laughs that preceded. High school senior Bartleby (the squeaky clean kid from the Mac commercials—Justin Long) is a clever guy whose marginal grades provoke rejection letters from every college he applies to. Desperate for validation and approval from his dismissive parents (Ann Cusack and Mark Derwin) Bartleby brainstorms into existence a phony Ohio college that accepts him as a student. Bartleby’s increasingly ambitious college hoax necessitates that he and his fellow college reject pals lease and renovate a disused mental hospital to house the "South Harmon Institute of Technology," which he presents as a "sister college" to the actual Harmon College a few blocks away. A glitch in the bogus college’s website unexpectedly attracts a hoard of slackers who install themselves in the dorm only campus. What started out as a façade for learning becomes an alternative education hub with a swimming pool and a skateboard half-pipe where the curriculum is devised and taught by the students.

Rated PG-13, 92 mins. (C)

The Last Kiss

Madison, Wisconsin is the stamping ground for a group of generation Z twentysomethings to test their underdeveloped moral codes. Michael (Zach Braff) gets caught in an emotional whirlpool when his high maintenance live-in girlfriend Jenna (Jacinda Barrrett) announces she’s 10 weeks pregnant at a dinner with Michael and her parents. Michael, in turn, allows himself to be seduced by a needy college sophomore (Rachel Bilson) just to insure that Jenna’s irrational emotional outbursts have some merit. Paul Haggis ("Crash") adapted the script from Gabriele Muccino’s film "L’Ultimo bacio" (2001), and the consequence is a distinctly white bread romantic comedy sprinkled with brief flashes of modern-day American existentialist dread.

Rated R, 103 mins. (C)

The Science of Sleep

Navel-gazing director Michel Gondry ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind") wears his developmentally arrested heart on his sleeve, on his pants, and on his forehead in the most self-indulgent movie of 2006. Gael Garcia Bernal ("Babel") plays Stephane Miroux, an insecure and childish graphic artist who alternately woos, stalks and terrorizes his neighbor Stephanie (Charlotte Gainsbourg – "21 Grams") who has the misfortune of living in the same Paris apartment building that Stephane moves to from Mexico after his father’s death. Stephane’s crippling immaturity prevents him from pursuing a sexual relationship with Stephanie, so he substitutes arts and crafts overtures as a form romantic connection. Gondry intercuts plenty of Pee Wee Herman-inspired animated sequences to underscore his oh-so-precious view of puppy love infatuation. Anemic, weirdly depressing, and tedious in the extreme, "The Science of Sleep" is an excruciatingly puerile cinematic experience that has nothing to do with science or sleep.

Rated R, 105 mins. (D)

Keeping Mum

Rowan Atkinson ("Mr. Bean") plays straight-man Reverend Walter Goodfellow to Grace Hawkins (acted with keen wit by Maggie Smith) his genteel serial-killer housekeeper in this delicious British black comedy. Director Niall Johnson presides over the disarming fun as Grace takes up residence with the vicar and his dysfunctional family in the small English parish of Little Wallop after her recent release from prison for dismembering her adulterous husband. Unbeknownst to Walter, his wife Gloria (Kristen Scott Thomas) is cheating with her golf instructor (Patrick Swayze) while their nymphomaniac daughter Holly (Tamsin Egerton) works up a constant sweat with her teenage boyfriend, and their young son is beaten up by school bullies on a regular basis. Grace imposes her strident moral code on the people responsible for eroding the family’s harmony, even if it means she has to deal out a little instant justice. A couple of late-story revelations provide satisfying surprises that tie the bow on this robust homage to Ealing studio classics like "The Ladykillers."

Not Rated, 100 mins. (B+)

Trust The Man

"Trust The Man" is an agreeable New York-centric romantic comedy about two couples on the brink of self-destructing. Julianne Moore plays Rebecca a prudish wife to Tom (David Duchovny), whose best friend Tobey (Billy Crudup) lives with Rebecca’s best friend Elaine (Maggie Gyllenhaal). Elaine needs Tobey to grow up and commit to building a family with her and Tom must make a decision between keeping up an affair or saving his family. In the end the women characters must decide if they can "trust" their men.

Rated R, 101 mins. (B-)

Little Miss Sunshine

A dysfunctional family consisting of an obnoxious motivational speaker father (Greg Kinnear), his long-suffering wife (Toni Collette), her suicidal Proust scholar brother (Steve Carell), a junkie grandfather (Alan Arkin), a teenage Nitsche-reading misanthrope (Paul Dano) and his 7-year-old little sister (Abigail Breslin) go on a life-altering road trip in this mediocre black comedy. Husband-and-wife director team Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris depend on their gifted cast to enrich Michael Arndt’s synthetic script, but the outcome is a watchable-if-pretentious movie with minor laughs. Hyped for garnering the highest price of a film ever sold at Sundance, "Little Miss Sunshine" is the name of the pre-teen beauty pageant that the family drives from their home in Albuquerque, NM to Redondo Beach, CA to enter their youngest progeny in.

Rated R, 99 mins. (C+)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby

Will Ferrell’s peculiar brand of humor meets its match in the guise of Sacha Baron Cohen (of Ali G fame) as Jean Girard a gay French race car driver who usurps Ricky Bobby’s (Ferrell) NASCAR title during the situation comedy of "Talladega Nights." If only the filmmakers had given Cohen more scenes in the movie. Ferrell mugs his way through a profoundly goofy script about a wannabe NASCAR racecar driver who makes good on his dream only to lose his life of luxury after getting spooked in a terrible crash during a race. The movie takes a piecemeal approach that allows for several guffaw-inducing comic bits, but doesn’t hold together enough for a sustained comic experience.

Rated PG-13, 110 mins. (C+)

Brothers of The Head

"Lost In La Mancha" directors Louis Pepe and Keith Fulton take a flailing mockumentary shot at a convoluted narrative about a pair of conjoined twins-turned-punk-rock-duo. Based on the 1977 illustrated novel by Brian Aldiss, the movie mixes faux documentary and interview footage with the movie-time narrative to tell an incomplete story set in black comedy trappings. Band manager Zak Bedderwick (Howard Attfield) takes twins Tom (Harry Treadaway) and Barry (Luke Treadaway) from their impoverished life on England’s eastern coast to turn them into a pop music sensation called "Bang Bang." The punk rock circus act is sidetracked by the inevitable influence of drugs, alcohol and a divisive woman. The Treadaway brothers give inspired performances as the joined-at-the-side brothers and their sincere efforts, in the face of the filmmakers’ vague narrative intent, drives the entertainment element of the misguided picture.

Rated R, 90 mins. (C-)

John Tucker Must Die

Residing high school jock king John Tucker (Jesse Metcalfe) gets his comeuppance from three drama queens that he dates and dumps when the girls conspire to ruin his reality and reputation as the school stud by breaking his heart with the help of school newcomer Kate (Brittany Snow). Heather (Ashanti), Carrie (Arielle Kebbel), and Beth (Sophia Bush) begin their smear campaign with a STD accusation before planting estrogen powder in Metcalfe's muscle powder, all the while getting him to desire the unobtainable new girl on the cheerleading squad. Designed as an ultimate revenge fantasy "John Tucker Must Die" is a moderately funny teen comedy with a few flashes of bawdy humor.
Rated PG-13, 87 mins. (C)
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My Super Ex-Girlfriend

Uma Thurman is a romantically psychotic part-time Manhattan super hero in this scattershot romantic comedy from Ivan Reitman, the same director that gave us "Ghostbusters." Architect Luke Wilson is initially thrilled to discover he’s dating a superhero before realizing that his affections point more toward his coworker Anna Faris. The film swings wildly between reckless bawdy humor, flat jokes and some surprising sight gag action sequences without ever gelling as a unified comedy. What probably should have been an R-rated movie, ala "The 40 Year-Old Virgin," comes off as a half-hearted attempt at poking laughs with unlikable characters. Even the ever-humorous Eddie Izzard fizzles in his role as a lovelorn villain.

Rated PG-13, 95 mins. (C-)

The Groomsmen

Writer/director Ed Burns adds a droopy fourth chapter to his Irish-American working class films that started with "The Brothers McMullen" (1995). "The Groomsmen" is a tepid drama/comedy about a group of four middle-aged friends from the same neighborhood in Long Island united for the marriage of Paulie (Burns) to his pregnant fiancée Sue (Brittany Murphy). Matthew Lillard, Donal Logue, John Leguizamo, and Jay Mohr compare their characters’ hard-won stripes of immaturity that they wear on their sleeves over the period of a long weekend. With zero chemistry between Burns and Murphy, the rest of the cast is left to aimlessly bump into one another to the sound of a relentless ‘80s music score. The film’s distinctly apolitical perspective creates a void at the heart of an already hollow story.

Rated R, 93 mins. (C-)

Little Man

In spite of the admirable effort that the Wayans brothers went to in digitally transplanting Marlon Wayans head and facial expressions onto the two-foot-six-inch body of a nine-year-old actor (Linden Porco) "Little Man" is a bawdy and violent comedy that rankles more than tickles. Career criminal dwarf Calvin (Marlon Wayans) has just been released from prison when he steals a gigantic diamond that he's soon forced to hide with newlyweds Daryl and Vanessa (Kerry Washington and Shawn Wayans). Calvin and his half-witted accomplice (Tracy Morgan) dress Calvin up like a baby and leave him on the couple's doorstep to gain access to the diamond in time to turn it over to an impatient mob boss (Chazz Palminteri). The curious couple gradually decides to keep Calvin as their own even as the diminutive outlaw's true colors start to show. The film's overreaching attempts at inventive humor slip into sheer gibberish. 
Rated PG-13, 97 mins. (C-)

Clerks II

It’s been 12 years since Kevin Smith became one of the last upstart filmmakers to squeak through the d